Today I was interested in Amal Alamuddin and George Clooney. The reason behind this is that I dated a law student during 2 and a half years. And I’m still a bit shocked even though I knew a lot about hell already. So George here’s my advice: watch out, she’s an amazing woman but she will destroy you if you let her down.

Of course, then I had to think of other stars and successful people like Gisele Bundchen. And that’s how I chose the title of this post: a Gisele’s memoir. A lot of people don’t have time writing their memoirs before dying. That’s what happened to my grand mother and I must say I felt a bit intrigued.

Now I’m writing as if the life I lived will soon be over. And I must say there are so many lessons to think about when you’re 38 years old.

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Lesson #1: Fool If You Think It’s Over.

Revenge will surely come: mutually assured destruction (MAD). You will feel like a new born so many times during life that at some point you will have to really think about what you’re hiding.

I will try to summarise what I’m hiding this way: the saviour of humanity almost failed his A-Levels. But it seems the teachers gave me the most annoying grade possible. It’s a grade that would force me to go to schools that aren’t that strong and will put me in a position to fail.

What they didn’t know is that you can learn all your life. That kind of people always freak out about their children and their future. They don’t realise that children know life is hard and no one can guarantee success. Failure is easy though: when you start bitching everyday, it’s the beginning of the end.

The importance of rivalry and vengeance will dominate your life, even unconsciously. But lesson #2 is much more demanding.

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Lesson #2: Go Out Of Your Home Everyday.

I know a lot of people like to stay at home and dream on their couch of a mysterious present of the universe because 7 years ago they did or said something nice. But the real present of life is exactly that: presence. Thinking about the past makes you angry and the future is uncertain and full of anxiety.

When you go out of your home everyday this is a nice reminder that the world is full of opportunities and surprises. And you will be rewarded by reminding everybody you’re someone that counts.

With time fluctuations of the system, the microphone and the stage can give you so many heartaches. But going out everyday (during the day or the night) can make you feel relax because it’s very simple: you close your eyes and you’re dead.

Lesson #2 was about being present and exploring the world, even if it’s a small one. And here comes lesson #3 that will make you work hard.

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Lesson #3: Never Ever Forget To Criticise.

Yes I hear you: you said “stop bitchin'” and now you’re saying “criticise”. What I mean by criticising is you should try to find the beauty in something because for some people it’s very simple: everything is shit and only them know something.

You think I like going out everyday in a coffee shop and write on the internet? Think again. I would prefer going skiing or sunbathing near a pool. But I do think coffee shops are a nice way for a civilisation to gauge their humanity. Maybe music and coffee shops are the only way to really be human.

When I listen to music, I always make an effort because sometimes the artist can make or break a song with a small passage. Here we arrive to lesson #4: tolerance.

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Lesson #4: Tolerance Is A Sign Of Good Health.

I once read a book about health: it seems you can become intolerant to effort or exercise. The reason remains unknown but I remember the days where I was tolerant: we took beautiful pictures.

For example, one day, 2 friends caged me in a car boot: I took a picture of them while I was helpless and they had a beautiful smile on their faces. Another example is holding on to my job while the war was raging in Lebanon: even though they still don’t want to pay me for my good deeds, I was proud because someone high above recognise the effort.

Here you have it: a few of the life lessons that a 38 year old is entitled to give. I guess there are more to come in the future!

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