It’s true I’m a man and I’m looking for women to make children. When I was 22 I decided it was time to date someone. I grew up surrounded by beautiful girls but it seems Big Brother disgusted them all. Shortly afterwards I attended engineering school and I never anticipated we would be 300 men for 20 women.
That’s why when I dated someone in real life, it felt like the ground floor experience.
I know what you think: be careful of that person, she’s no good and she will fool you. I dated this girl for almost 3 years (2002 – 2005) and today I’m still in a coma because she gave me the dirty love.
She never made a pink donation to the dragon in me. All I can remember was that she was sucking the life out of me. I graduated with a little bit of luck: I found an internship that really motivated me.
Are you ready for this slice of life post? Let’s start with the encounter: friends of friends of friends.
Was The Army Behind This Encounter?
When I was 19, I had to attend a day with the army. They were explaining things to us like social diversity and reading a TV programme. While the former seems like a good idea, the latter one it seems was to assess our literacy rate. And that’s how ended up trying to find when Baywatch was screening.
Anyway, thanks to the army, I started to date this girl from Deir el-Amar (a region in Lebanon). I was a real Parisian having spent almost all my life in the same neighbourhood. You guessed it correctly: I was gross and perverted and couldn’t find an adjustment to date someone.
Suddenly I decided to take a risk and go full contact with her: voice, mouth and lips. During our honeymoon which lasted almost 6 months, we were at the top: perfect balance between work, love, friends and loneliness.
Yes the army has good ideas sometimes because I never managed to date a Parisian girl. But what happened that eventually led to a break up?
Was The Army Looking For Girls?
I don’t know what happened that got us so weird but it seems we had an intimacy problem. And it was only going to get worse and worse. A friend of mine received the visit of a burglar at home but it seems it was the military that disguised. My friend had dated the daughter of a colonel and it ended up badly (like a good love story should).
I thought the porn industry was trying to corrupt us but, in Paris, they like social diversity and I guess it was the porn industry and the military that gave us this heartache.
My imagination at the moment is very simple: love and sex, suddenly massacre. We talk a little and then back to normal: love and sex, suddenly massacre. The 3rd time you start wondering if you shouldn’t become a priest or a noun.
How I Became A Workaholic.
The only way out I found from this mess was to forget everything and focus on work. But life was decided to play a trick on me for a long time: I was lost in a sea of misery with Jesus. So I decided to show my skills and decided to do some ski jumping in Paris during Spring.
Finally the judges came and said: “OK this guy is not a statesman but a cosmic man”. They were wondering if I couldn’t open up space travels and even bring them beyond the Milky Way.
Anyway I guess I have a hard time dating someone because since the girlfriend experience (or the ground floor experience), the universe raped me and it went from bad to worse.
One Reason To Be Free Of The Heart.
The reason why I was able to only date one person during my 39 years down here on Earth is now clear: some days are better than others. Some days you wake up in the army; some days it’s the enemy.
I guess the porn industry was also a factor: someone had a lot of dicks but that person ain’t had mine. Mam and dad, it feels like going into confession every time I speak. Strange losing streak: I must be weak or I lost my balance.
See I used to have a nice balance between work and holidays. But now I lost my balance and everyone is trying to ruin my holidays. I certainly didn’t know how wrong it would be since 2001 and how my friends would succeed.
But again the girlfriend experience is like the ground floor experience: you spent some time in an elevator with strangers in a confined space. I thought I knew the girl because I knew myself.
Yes dear reader: the minute you start to wonder who you are, it will be the beginning of the end for your relationships. I guess you must not forget your identity. Let me introduce myself: music lover, astronomy fan and victim of a bank.